We’ve all been there spending more time than we’d like to admit navigating the dating world and collecting relationship horror stories worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster. But here’s the catch: far too often, people dive back into the dating pool while still carrying the heartbreak from their last relationship.
You know one trait that I absolutely love in people? Self-awareness. Yes, self-awareness is like a cheat code to life. When you have it, you see things others don’t. You notice patterns, red flags, and more importantly, you realize when you are the problem. I mean, let’s be honest: how many failed talking stages do we have to endure before we admit that sometimes, the common denominator is us? If you’ve got three failed relationships, five exes, and a fresh “talking stage” on life support, maybe it’s time to face the music.
We all love carrying stuff, right? Takeaway boxes loaded with food, power banks to keep our phones alive, and, unfortunately, emotional baggage. But seriously, why are we choosing to lug around hurt and trauma? Does your new boo really deserve to pay for Kunle from 2015 not appreciating your legendary fried rice? Or for Jane breaking your heart ages ago? It’s like signing up for a marathon and deciding to drag a bunch of cement blocks with you. You’ll never cross that finish line feeling good!
Here’s the real gist: everyone has baggage. We all do. It’s a part of life. But if you’re serious about dating and finding something meaningful, check that baggage at the gate. Lock it up, tag it, and keep it moving. You can have things you’re working on, that’s cool. But for the love of all things good, if you know you’re still holding onto some deep-rooted trauma, do us all a favor and sit this round out. Heal first, date later.
Let me give you free advice, and this one’s premium. After a breakup, take time to chill, reflect, and heal. No one is saying you should join a convent but be single for a bit. Sometimes being alone isn’t a punishment, it’s a reset. Ask yourself the hard questions: “Was I really the best version of myself?” “Could I have done things better?” “Am I, in fact, the problem?”
Be kind to yourself and use the time alone to rediscover yourself. Go out, live, travel if you can (or just attend every party in town, your choice), and figure things out.
Look, if I had a pound for every time someone told me, “Oh, I was so good to my ex and they still hurt me, so now I’m going to be mean in my next relationship,” I’d own a small oil company by now. Revenge dating is a scam.
You’re out here thinking, “I’ll teach them all a lesson,” but the only lesson you’re teaching is how to sabotage your own chance at happiness. Guess what? You will never find joy in a healthy relationship if you’re still wearing the pain from your last heartbreak. Carrying past pain into a new relationship is like trying to drive forward while constantly looking in your rearview mirror, accidents are bound to happen.
So, here’s my final piece of advice: heal first, then date. Don’t carry all your emotional luggage to the next person’s doorstep. Clear your mind, detox your heart, and when you’re ready, step back into the dating pool like the boss that you are. Maybe this time, you’ll actually be open to new experiences, and who knows? The person you meet might just be “the one”.
At the end of the day, we all want the same thing: love, happiness, and maybe someone who can finally reply to messages on time. But if we keep holding onto the hurt from the past, we’ll miss out on the beauty of what’s ahead.
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